There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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