The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
