he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i think my cat just said my name.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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