My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
