I wish I only lived at night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
