i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
