You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
