So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
