does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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