I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
