I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
