u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
