Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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