and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
