This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
