I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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