if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
false alarm. still invincible.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
