I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
