Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
