im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
