Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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