nutella sex= disaster
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
