Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
