Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I party with great urgency now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
