Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
