You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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