I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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