The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
