Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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