Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The struggles of a small town man whore
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
