ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
