Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
