i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
