one might say we're banned from that church
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
