so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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