I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
