Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
