why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
