Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
