I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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