I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
