I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
