I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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