i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize