I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
