apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
