Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
