Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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