Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
