You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
