So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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