she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
