i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
