ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
