but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
